On Being Gay.

'There are two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.'

-Albert Einstein

Ricky Martin comes out on The Oprah Show.

Glee stands up to homophobia

It Gets Better...

A storm rages across London,

Flooding it in Rain.

The Change is coming.

We are not that far in our development as a human race.

We can accept animals with homosexual tendencies,

But we cannot accept our own species for theirs.

We want people to fall in love,

But conditionally.

'We want you to fall in love with a woman,

That Is All We Ask Of You.'

I'm thankful for the bravery of the men and women

Who have come out to the world,

Admitting that they are in love.

They are in Love.

They are in Love with someone of the same Gender,

They Are In Love.

They stood up to a world where they feared hate mail,

death threats,

people spitting their name,

Because They Fell In Love.

I'm thankful to live in a world where acceptance is on the rise.

I'm thankful to live in a time where I can hold my lover's hand.

I'm thankful to express love outside of the confines of my home.

But this is not the case everywhere.

People die for love every day.

What holds us back from development as a species

Is a lack of Acceptance.

You don't want to participate?

Don't. Participate.

Spend the energy you have doing what you love

Not what you hate that other people do.

Pursue Love.

You will be happy.

Fight Hate.

You will never win.

'I just don't want you to change'

I won't.

I am who I am.

The more I express who I am

The more I grow as a man.

The more I express who I am

The more others are free to express who they are.

The more I express who I am

The more I advance as a species.

If a plant never changes,

It will never grow.

What is homosexuality?

Where does it come from?

How does one 'become' a homosexual?

Who gives a shit?

Do we need to find answers to these questions?

We'll find an answer as much as we'll find an answer to

What is an atom?

You can define it,

But does that solve anything?

And when you find an answer,

There are always more questions to ask,

-as with anything in life.

What makes that children's game of 'But, Why?'

So irritating,

Is that it's circular.

Everything in life is circular.

Everything, when broken down to the smallest and largest shape,

Is circular.

There is no end.

There is no answer.

Some people are gay!

Some people are straight!

Some people are bisexual!

And! Some people are homoflexible! (Thanks, Ruby...)

Why?

Because. They. Fell. In. Love.

Accept this!

Because when you do,

You accept Love into your life.

And, The more you accept,

The more you attract.

Accept Love.

or

Fight Hate.

That's where the Choice needs to lie,

Because you can't Choose who you fall in love with.

Hence the saying, 'Fall in Love'

Nobody Chooses to Fall.

you know, The Fall isn't so bad...

But, God damn...

I'm ready to live in a city where man takes priority over machine.

Pedestrians should always have the right of way.

Prosperous People...

It's just the autumn.

It's just the transition.

It's not you,

It's the sudden change in weather.

Sometimes for a forest to grow stronger,

A fire has to burn down all the trees

To make a richer soil.

Breakthrough don't come with no breakdown.

And you can never know how rich you are until you know how poor you can get,

And it's in these moments I have to remind myself that

:

The most prosperous man is the man who lives with all 5 senses.

I can't buy your taxi home yet

Or dress you like my personal Barbie doll.

I can't call you to tell me to meet me on the Champs-Elysees at 3pm

Or surprise you with a package delivered by three hulking men.

I can't play hide-and-go seek around the world

Or take a year off to boat around it, either,

Yet...

But I can listen.

I can hold.

And I can whisper in your ear.

I can let you know you're loved

show you that I care

and give you all of my eye contact.

Other men that stroll past won't get my eye,

Nor will any other woman.

I can't always guarantee that a sunset won't get a millisecond of focus,

But I'm sure you can forgive me.

Mother earth is a vain woman...

She loves being adored.

The more you love her,

The more she loves you in return.

And vice versa.

So, I'm sure you'll understand...

I can't help myself sometimes...

I can't show you monetary affection

Currently, I can only do it the old fashioned way...

Blame it on the recession,

Blame it on the state of our profession,

But no matter which way you rhyme it,

I'll only show you I care by giving you the attention you deserve.

And like all plants,

Each one needs different amounts of attention.

Some need more water,

and some are vicious carnivores that can fend for themselves.

I prefer the former variety.

I can understand the former variety.

They give as much as they receive

And receive as much as they give.

I have no clue how to tend to the latter breed, quite yet...

And I'm learning quickly that I don't care for plants

That would gladly eat me if faced with that ultimatum.

We dreamed this city into what it is today.

We imagined buildings with spiral towers and glass pyramids

And we got it.

We fantasized about a fairy tale city that met modernity

And here we live.

All us people.

All us people trying to be people.

People wanting to be people without getting judged by other people

People wanting to fall in love with people without getting hurt by people

People trying to be the best people they can be,

in hopes of finding more like-minded people.

People trying to find a community that isn't within their workplace.

People trying to find home

People trying to be children again

People striving for happiness.

People trying to be people.

Sometimes the only relief is to detach.

Turn your phone off

And get lost.

Watch people stumbling home from the shadows of side streets,

Smoke a joint and pretend you're just a fly on the wall...

Pop into a corner shop,

Buy a beer,

and £4.99 ear phones.

The taste of illegal beer is better than legal beer.

Music is better when no one knows where you are.

Something Beautiful...

When I saw Big Ben at age 9,

I fell in love.

Leicester Square saw me cry more tears than I have in my life.

Tower Bridge was mine and mine alone for one whole day.

The Thames has watched me chase flying lanterns,

The West end was where I made my biggest life-changing decision to date.

I've watched the sun set and rise again on messy East London nights out,

I've closed down streets and felt more powerful than royalty,

I've felt defeated, useless, and lonely, as well...

I've gotten lost in its fog,

And I've discovered hidden gems.

I've detested this place to destruction

And loved it like my mother.

I've come to know this city intimately.

-Vowed to never leave,

and vowed also to never come back...

And just when I decided to be content with leaving indefinitely,

I gave the most unknown area to me, meaning.

Trafalgar Square & it's South-Western lion.

They've seen me love and allow myself to be loved;

my biggest hurdle to date.

And all it took was that simple realization.

That one little synapse in my brain that gave me that block...

We all deserve that

-To be loved.

We all need that.

Behind everyone,

No matter what their lifestyle

- Be it Promiscuous,

Monogamous,

Polyamorous...

whatever...

It's love.

It's never mindless penetration.

It's never just sex.

It's that feeling of being appreciated.

Respected.

-Even when you want to be treated like that

dirty cum-eating slut that you are,

it's respect.

To honor someone's body...

Treat it like a cut diamond...

Wanting only to give that person pleasure.

To make them happy.

To give them the deepest pleasure and happiness you physically can...

It may not always be 'love' in the Disney sense,

But it's loving.

That's a lover.

And until 'love' is found,

Loving is equally as great.

No matter which way you do it,

As long as there's love...

That is all.

Those days are over.

Those days of nervous stuttering due to self judgement.

I know what I know.

I only have positive intentions for those I surround myself with.

I will not be made to feel inferior.

I will not judge the words that come from my mouth.

Nor do I do that to others.

I stand tall.

My lungs flow easily and to their full capacity.

My arms reach out to others to nurture and protect.

I am a haven.

I am a rock.

I am the sea.

I flow to and fro

But always have that healthy medium where my waters lay still.

That little synapse has clicked.

And now that the change has happened,

I can already feel that it will never go back...

Perhaps growing up never hearing,

'I love you'

Affected me...

But what a blessing that is...

To actually have to learn on my own what that word means,

Decide what it is...

Create in my mind what that word entails...

And,

you know...

I still haven't figured it out.

And that's kickass!

That gives me a lot of opportunity to find out...

And at this point,

All I know is what it definitely is not,

Not what it definitely is.

It's not a marriage out of convenience.

It's not a lack of communication.

It's not waiting for things to change,

And it's not a demand for the other to change.

It's not not saying something to protect the other's feelings.

It's not playing smaller to give the other more power.

It's not staying because you like the home you've created,

And it's not staying because you made a vow in the eyes of a god.

It's definitely not owning someone,

And it's not being together for fear of being alone.

It's not passive aggressiveness.

It's not a worry of what others think,

And it sure as hell ain't holding on for the man he once was.

'Only one thing in this life is constant,

And that's change.'

What I do know is that it consists of having a similar goal.

I know it's a powerful partnership.

I know it's the ability to work as a team and create positive change.

I know it's respect

Care

Admiration

Desire

Passion

Inspiration

And a want to always make the other happy.

Love is a meal cooked just for you

-Amongst any other talent you wish to share.

Love is a balance of yin and yang within each other

and within one's self.

Love is a desire to impress,

Because you know that the more you impress, the more you grow.

And the more you both grow, the more you both improve.

And the more you both improve- the more the world benefits.

'Give love to beget more love'...

So...

That's what it was like...

It's easy to not recognize it...

Because you get swept away in that positive flow...

Hm...

I 'should' be sad you're gone...

But we really milked that time for all it was worth, didn't we...?

We knew there had to be an end at one point,

so we milked it...

Naked bodies touching,

The drone of two men talking and laughing...

Dim pink light in a black and white room...

We only miss people when we feel there's something more we want to express

I'll be better when I'm older.

I can only hope that with age comes knowledge.

One thing that I have learnt is

that all these years that I've wanted to write something beautiful

don't matter.

Just the intention of wanting to write something beautiful is enough.

Now,

I want to write you something beautiful,

but I won't.

Because the more I say,

the less I truly say.

So...

Let's just leave it at that,

shall we...?

We're all artists and each other's muses...

We're the new Brad Pitts and Johnny Depps

We're Swedish princesses

and Iranian movie stars.

We're the new world.

We're the ones coming into power for the second cycle.

'We are the music makers'

'And we are the dreamers of dreams'

We are building empires of creativity

The same way we built this city on rock and roll.

We are the positive change

That quells ignorance and stops negation.

We are the 'yes, and's'- not the 'no, but's'

We are continuing the work

that Michael never finished.

We are healing the world

by looking at the man in the mirror.

We are victims of circumstance

and are so thankful for it...

We are Obama coming into presidency

To clean up America's untamed Bush.

We are marriages of any form

Because all we do is celebrate love.

We are monogamists

who respect proper-practicing polyamourists

And polyamourists

who don't understand societal terminologies like 'gay' or 'straight'.

We dance together at every opportunity

because when we move to the rhythm

So does our breath,

and so do our hearts.

And the more of us who dance,

The more the earth hears us.

And the earth always delivers

what the heart truly wants.

We are expensive, well-made clothes

That last through the ages,

Not cheap fabrics made by children

Because we are not slaves to the industry

Nor do we condone slavery.

We believe in quality over quantity

And know that through wearing what we love

It doesn't matter if it's out of season

Because when we express what we feel in any way,

People will admire and respect us for that,

Even if they would never wear it themselves...

We raise our children knowing the yings and yangs of life

-That balance of nurture and discipline.

And it doesn't matter if it's men or women giving either

-Because a child raised with love and respect

Is a blessed child. Irregardless of their parent's gender.

We don't shy away from eye contact.

We don't wear sunglasses or headphones,

Because if we are blessed enough to not be deaf or blind,

we recognize how valuable it is to connect with other humans

with every sense we have.

We sing together

- because when we sing together

We're never insecure.

We breathe deeper...

We listen to our bodies...

And we help in any way we can...

Because,

Like artists,

every portrait we paint contains images of ourselves,

And like dreams,

every character is merely an aspect of ourselves.

-So, when we help others,

We are truly just helping ourselves in turn...

extremely beneficial...

I free myself of societal chains.

This may have resulted in extreme hermitism,

but one must go to extremes

before a medium can be found...

And I happily let go of these 'things'

this 'stuff'.

If it doesn't benefit the earth,

it's worthless to me and to you and to us.

I lock myself in,

And as the toxins loosen from my chest

-Thanks to my osteopathic wizard, Brent,

I cough out my childhood,

-my past life,

and am left feeling weak,

Being stripped to what is essential.

What is essentially me.

Life has quieted to allow space for thought.

I came to London to learn.

I was a fool to think that

learning would stop after university.

I've only just begun.

This body is so much more.

We are not flesh and solids.

We are not bone and water.

The little prince said it best

when he said:

'You understand... It is too far.

I cannot carry this body with me.

It is too heavy.

But it will be like an old abandoned shell.

There is nothing sad about old shells...'

And these 'things',

They are all merely shells.

There's no importance in them,

contrary to societal pressures.

Now, the fox said it best when he said:

'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.

What is essential is invisible to the eye.

It is the time that you have wasted for your rose

That makes your rose so important.

Men have forgotten this truth.

But you must not forget it.'

If it don't benefit the earth,

It don't benefit no one.

Human interaction,

-Soul interaction,

Meditation,

Knowledge,

Fucking...

This is extremely beneficial...

My body is aligning.

Bones reforming

Muscles growing

Chakras opening.

And as I discover my lower abs,

The centre of relationships,

He came into my life.

'I wasn't expecting this'

'Neither was I...'

The lions of Trafalgar Square will never be the same,

After spending ages making out on one of their backs.

We've left Leo and moved into Virgo,

and this was my 'see you next year' for the lions...

'I wasn't expecting this'

'Neither was I...'

'Meet me in the Amalfi Coast.'

'Ok. Meet me in Naples for lunch.'

'Ok.'

This Friday.

Smitten with excitement.

I create my future.

Damn, I done good...

Know that you Know

The heat has left us

And brought the fall in.

I hate when it cums too early.

I'm fed up with the way things are

And craving that massive change.

So I tore down everything from my walls

And rearranged the flat

Planted new plants to allow more to grow

And turned up the heat to hold on to the last of my summer.

This may be my last summer in London...

And it ended the moment I left for Norway.

She left,

And I secluded myself to the world.

Needing time to listen to me.

No people

No conversation

No music.

And I heard my body begging for balance.

Postural balance,

Dietary balance,

and Emotional balance.

I smoked out the apartment

cleaning out the past,

and things just started clicking into place.

My spine

My feet

My sternum

My lungs

My knees

all functioned to their optimal ability

And life began to align...

I spent the night dancing with the rising moon

and flailed my body until I felt its proper position.

My wishes started coming true.

I have full control over my fate.

This isn't chance.

And if I can master the way my body functions,

surely I can master the way my life functions...

If you can't be by yourself,

How can you be with someone else?

How can you communicate,

If you can't communicate with yourself?

Sure, that may result in lecturing myself on the street,

But who cares?

Who actually CARES?!

Don't just think you know.

Know that you know.

Know that your body is in proper alignment.

Know that what you do is just.

Know that you are a good person

who actively does good for others and to the world.

Don't think you know who you are.

Know that you know.

I surround myself with good people

Who actively make changes in their lives.

My friends all seek betterment.

...The ones that don't,

Can only come so close to me...

I'm in my mid-twenties.

I want to change the world.

When I'm in my mid-forties,

I'll still want to change the world.

Mediocrity will not suffice.

I have the best in life

And I will never settle for anything less than best.

I love my friends for they are the same.

A new regime has begun.

It may mean being alone more,

But sometimes alone is the best company...

Portugal; My Religion.

Portugal.

I guess that the ideas we make

create the conversations we have...

The world is getting clearer...

And as it clears,

Insecurity sets in...

And we're all trying to mask it...

Pretend that it's not there...

I'm even afraid to admit it,

That I don't feel good enough...

Not handsome enough...

Jaw isn't sharp enough,

Body isn't cut enough,

Chest isn't smooth enough,

Voice isn't clear enough,

Eyes aren't focused enough...

The positive side to this situation

Is that I'm humbled

While also made aware that

None of this matters...

What I want is not what I need...

And the most beautiful diamond

Takes the longest time to perfect.

I could find a million cliches

To say what I want to say

To make me feel better.

But in the end,

All you need is faith.

And whatever makes you feel better,

Is your religion...

Portugal...

You opened my eyes,

Relaxed my shoulders,

Massaged my chest,

Hugged me,

Played with me...

Gave me adventure

And filled me with speech.

You loved me,

And I loved you in return...

'The same climate as California',

he says...

I smile.

'I'm going to like living there',

I think...

I swam naked in the ocean

Fed a giant seagull with a broken wing,

Went on a 40k bike ride,

Ate the most beautiful fish of my life...

sea bream,

stone bream,

golden bream,

mackerel,

salmon,

sole...

Fed my soul,

Fell asleep on the sands

Walked to the edge of cliffs...

I gave my body just a taste,

and now I want more...

London is my home,

I will always come back,

But for now,

I'm seeking out other pastures...

Hotter ones.

Understanding the meaning of being thankful

Realizing the power of positivity

Feeling content in this moment of power.

Chris says things are going to start taking off next week...

I can feel it...

Glad I got my holiday in when I got the chance...

(Check out my buddy, Bubbz's band above... they're pretty kickass...)

(Thanks Osei & Sarah)

The Wanderlust Cycle.

Cupcakes.

Chocolates.

And the rivalries between them.

Cupcakes and chocolates...

Whodathunk the two would be synonymous with work?

Icing sugar and cocoa powder everywhere.

Everywhere.

Cleared out old wants as I cleared out the entrance,

And old friends came writing.

Old friends from one cycle ago...

The next cycle has started again.

This week marks the beginning of The Circle.

Last time, we just started being friends...

I had just moved to Vancouver...

We just got a trampoline...

This week I was reunited with the tramp.

We called it a tramp.

1. Because it was so much easier than trampoline.

and 2. Because I thought it was funny to say:

'Wanna jump on my tramp?

We keep it in the backyard.'

Looking forward to The Hermit's passing.

But being on my own is good right now.

I missed cooking...

Amongst all this baking,

I forgot to cook...

Severe case of Wanderlust.

It happens every year without fail.

Usually in the winter.

But this year...

Spring.

Itching for ocean and sand...

sun...

And skin...

Although I know it's because

Something is just around the corner.

My body is craving space

Because it knows it won't have much of it soon.

Things will be getting very busy.

Very soon.

I'm also not ready to leave quite yet...

The thought of missing another Spring

and experiencing another Summer

here in Londontown

Is heartbreaking to me.

One more year will make it an even 5 years.

(Thanks Colin)

Butterfly

After a long Reiki session with my flatmate,

My body is continuously cracking

in areas I never knew could crack.

As the planets trine and align,

so does my body.

Allowing the natural flow of energy through my body.

And that's where the ease is...

The plates of my sternum are shifting,

Just preparing for the full alignment...

My body hasn't been aligned since I was 3,

If this isn't a paradigm shift,

I don't know what is...

My body aches.

Growing pains like I've never felt before...

I crave massage...

touch...

If the world is a reflection of ourselves,

It doesn't surprise me volcanos are erupting,

the earth is shifting,

and the ocean is going mental...

Sounds pretty accurate to me...

What do I want in a relationship?

N/A.

Not Applicable.

California won't just come to me...

So I lay the groundwork down...

Apply for the Green Card Lottery,

Tell my agent to set up interviews and meetings for me

Because I'm going for my preliminary trip

This September.

With luck and some positive thought,

I may miss winter this year...

If not... I can wait until next for that...

The sun is calling me,

Portugal will have to do in the meantime...

I've been very happy in my chrysalis

The Hermit.

Hidden in a cloud of smoke,

Locked away indoors...

Content.

This is when the most complicated work happens.

I'm shedding old skin.

Now ready to go into the world...

Gearing up for something massive...

Content where I am

And excited for what's to come...

(Thanks James)