Near-Sighted-ness...

Sometimes silence and time to breathe is all you need.

At a point where my ego has run rampant,

I have tortured myself over the smallest things,

And I have been frustrated with everyone else not being what I wish they were,

I realize

That it's myself I was unhappy with.

Not everyone else.

Catching myself in the reflections of everything.

Just 'checking to see if I'm still there'

There are hundreds of people on these streets,

And I bump into a blind man because my hair wasn't perfect.

I stop.

I apologize for myself.

And I realize,

I don't want to apologize for myself anymore.

And so,

My focus shifts...

I'm reading, 'Improve Your Vision'

To correct my near-sighted-ness...

Move the focus from myself,

To others...

No more blind-men bumping,

I'll acknowledge the children staring in awe at the tall man,

And I'll smile at the cute guy smiling at me.

I already don't see what the fascination was

with a reflection of myself...

Real people are so much better.

Met with my meditation teacher this morning.

She's quickly becoming a good friend...

Beautiful woman, Jo is...

She's helping me realize my full potential,

And it's so calming to have such a warm,

loving

generous

and thankful woman helping me to

be unafraid of the future...

This massive transition is going to be so much easier with her.

Real people are so much better.

So...

With a focus more on myself

and less on others,

Topped with a fear of the future,

It doesn't surprise me I've got a weak view of distances.

But I don't need glasses.

I need to just shift my focus.

Nils stool can be purchased at IKEA. If in stock.

A reality check.

A turn of events.

Some more solid boxes in my career bagua.

And a beautiful plant holder for my Sweetheart.

A desire to change.

A desire to change others.

But remembering that I can't.

A stronger desire to change.

A vow to be kinder to myself,

...and in turn to everyone else.

A desire for horseback riding

Gymnastics

Parkour

Travel

Romance.

'Fleeting Romances'

Clothes-tearing-ly passionate trips to Italy and Greece...

Clothes-tearing passion, in general...

Sex.

Love.

Learning-

Feeling!

the difference between the two...

The beginning of a new cycle...

Last time I was here,

I learnt that my parents weren't always right.

I realized the difference between 'fat' and 'skinny'.

I began to realize I wanted to perform.

I had just moved to Canada from London.

I found out that love comes in many forms,

-including the male one.

Had my final heart surgery.

I began to be physical in order to be thin.

I fell in love with music.

Bought my first CD.

Pretty sure it was Awesome 4 or 5...

A compilation of 'the best music of the year'

Including this one:

Or was it the 'Aladdin' Soundtrack...?

Favorite song:

(also favorite Disney character)

And that cycle is starting all over again...

London...

Parents...

Career...

Men...

Hm...

Can't we just love each other?

For now?

For right now?

No strings attached?

No promise for marriage,

No promise for forever,

-No promises.

Period.

?

I'd like that...

We can just holiday together.

Meet up in Kreuzberg?

End up in Crete?

Be crazy for 2 weeks?

No...

1 week..? (too short...)

...

10 days?

Yeah.

10 days.

turn off our phones...

buy a camera..?

And we can just make everything from Kreuzberg

to Crete

and anything in between...

well... we can just make it perfect...

You game?

Me?

Yes a hundred times!

I'm game.

Thanks for the music, Dexter!

Hold your arms in the air. You'll always feel happier.

Ended my phone call with you,

my friend.

And began to skype with you,

my friend that I've never met.

First day of Parkour,

And the strength is surging through my body.

The abdomen is the centre of all relationships.

Doesn't surprise me mine has been getting stronger.

A flute played from Canada

A clarinet riff,

and a letter from London later...

I'm overwhelmed with travel...

Italy.

Greece..

Peru...

My body itches for travel.

My body is itching to move.

Parkour

Skype

and that pesky iPhone app

will all satisfy me temporarily...

Letting go isn't sad

You can't let go until you want to.

Wanting to let you go.

That's what's sad.

.

The door knocking last night woke me up

That feeling that something is coming

is almost overwhelming...

Monday is Garbage Day.

In love with every corner of my room

In love with every part of my self.

Narcissus loved himself,

But surely he loved everybody in his life, as well...

I guess turning into a flower isn't that bad...

Kritty sent Becca a burnt CD.

What are a few of my favorite things?

Whispering

Loud Music

Sun

and Burnt CD's.

-

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And we have yet to meet...

If the music we attract into our lives

reflect the way we feel...

Yeah...

Something good is coming very soon...

'Twas the night after Essex...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Abstinence also makes the 'heart'

grow.

fonder...

The Modern Age has free health care

A Mac Desktop named 'Mrs. Mac'

And an iPhone app that gets you dates...

It's already looking like an interesting week.....

Dancing with myself

My laughter may wake Becca

I'm pretty sure the time I spent alone

affected my entire day...

today was another kick-ass day.

Getting over you took longer than I thought it would...

You're a kick-ass friend.

So happy today is the 22nd.

That Spring Blog.

Spring has finally come.

Hung my winter coat to dry.

For the first time the rain was warm.

And with an option to travel underground

Or to get soaked,

I chose the rain.

Did a play reading of a beautiful play.

Polished the bathroom...

Had 3 studios to myself to sing and dance

Was constantly hungry...

Strengthened my core.

Opened my heart.

Did something I was proud of every day...

Dreaming of Parkour

Peru

The sun

The garden

Spring

Summer

Boy

Music

Food... always food...

Hands

And of you.

So glad we spoke.

Wish March 22nd wasn't so far away.

Learning a lot spiritually...

or... about myself...

well...

guess it's one in the same, isn't it?

I'd forgotten that.....

A portable sound studio came for a visit

Set up in my living room...

Screaming,

'London, I'm coming for you, baby!'

How quickly a cool body warms...

I'd forgotten that.

Skin.

Just skin.

hm.

Unapologetic.

Living with my full, open heart.

3 times open heart...

Vintage scars.

Part man

Part some other man

Part plastic

Part pig.

Part man?

more so than before.

whilst.

Part some other man?

yes.

whilst.

Part plastic?

Not anymore.

whilst.

Part pig?

yes.

on occasion...

I never used to have dimples...

Ah, but then again...

My tiger-lilies never used to get dew drops...

Brimming with love.

For my flat.

For this city.

For myself.

For every single person.

For the sun (I'd forgotten that, too...)

For what I love...

Brimming with love for what I love.

And it feel so good...